Inclusive Handfasting: Ideas for LGBTQ+ Couples

One of the most beautiful things about handfasting is that it belongs to everyone. It is not tied to any particular religion, gender or type of relationship – at its heart, it is simply two people choosing to bind their lives together. That flexibility has made handfasting a much-loved choice for LGBTQ+ couples, who often want a ceremony that feels personal, meaningful and free from assumptions.

Here are some ideas for creating an inclusive handfasting that reflects who you are.

Why handfasting is popular with LGBTQ+ couples

• It is not gendered. The ritual works exactly the same way for any couple. There are no roles that need to be assigned to a “bride” or “groom”.
• It is easy to personalise. Colours, charms, wording and the people involved can all be chosen to tell your story.
• It fits any kind of ceremony. Handfasting can be part of a legal wedding, a civil partnership celebration, a commitment ceremony, an elopement or a vow renewal.
• It is visual and joyful. The image of joined hands wrapped in colourful cords makes for unforgettable photographs.

Choosing colours for your cord

Many LGBTQ+ couples choose a cord that celebrates Pride. Rainbow cords are the most familiar choice, but there are lots of other options too:

• Rainbow: the classic Pride colours of red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple, symbolising diversity and the whole community.
• Flag-inspired colours: many identities have their own flags – for example the bisexual, lesbian, transgender, non-binary or asexual flags – and their colours can be woven into a cord.
• One flag each: if you and your partner identify differently, you could choose one cord in the colours of each of your flags, tied together during the ceremony.
• Your wedding palette with a hint of Pride: a subtle rainbow charm or a single rainbow strand alongside your chosen colours.
• Purely personal colours: of course, there is no obligation to reference Pride at all. Choose whatever colours mean the most to you.

Our Pride handfasting cord set is a set of two cords inspired by the colours of the rainbow, made in honour of LGBTQ+ couples. If you would like specific flag colours, a custom order cord lets you choose each ribbon shade. For more on symbolism, see handfasting cord colours and their meanings.

Inclusive handfasting wording

The words spoken during the handfasting matter. Make sure your celebrant uses your names, your pronouns and the terms you prefer – partners, spouses, wives, husbands, or something else entirely. Some inclusive ideas:

• “[Name] and [Name], please join hands. These are the hands of the person you have chosen, and who has chosen you.”
• “Love comes in many forms. Today we celebrate the love between [Name] and [Name], exactly as it is.”
• “With this cord we honour not only your love for each other, but the courage it sometimes takes to love openly. May you always be free to be yourselves, together.”

You will find more adaptable script ideas in our guide to handfasting ceremony wording.

Involving your chosen family

For many LGBTQ+ people, “family” includes close friends who have offered love and support over the years – sometimes called chosen family. A handfasting is a wonderful way to honour them. You could ask each important person to present a cord and a wish, or invite everyone present to warm the cord before the ceremony. Read more in how to involve family and friends in your handfasting.

Finding the right celebrant

Choosing a celebrant who is genuinely comfortable with and supportive of LGBTQ+ weddings makes all the difference. When you meet potential celebrants, it is worth asking:

• Have you led ceremonies for LGBTQ+ couples before?
• Are you happy to use our pronouns and preferred terms throughout?
• Can we write our own wording, or adapt yours?
• Are you able to include a handfasting, and which tying methods do you use?

Independent and humanist celebrants are usually very flexible about ceremony content. If you want your ceremony to be a legal marriage, check how the law works where you are marrying – see Is handfasting legally binding in the UK? for an overview.

Marriage, civil partnership or commitment ceremony?

Same-sex marriage is legal throughout the UK, and civil partnerships are available to both same-sex and opposite-sex couples, so you can choose the legal form that suits you best. A handfasting can be added to the celebration whichever route you take. Some couples complete the legal paperwork quietly and then hold a larger celebrant-led ceremony with a handfasting for friends and family; others prefer an entirely symbolic commitment ceremony. There is no wrong answer – the handfasting carries the same meaning either way, and it gives everyone present a clear, joyful moment to witness your promises.

Choosing a tying method

All the popular handfasting methods work for any couple. The kiss or saltire suits two cords, one for each partner. The infinity knot leaves a hand free for exchanging rings. The loop is lovely for photographs. Your celebrant will usually guide you through the wrap, and you tie the knot together. See About Handfasting Ceremonies for step-by-step descriptions.

Handfasting for commitment ceremonies and elopements

Not every couple wants a large wedding. A handfasting works beautifully in a small commitment ceremony with a handful of friends, or an elopement with just the two of you, a celebrant and a photographer. Because the ritual is so visual, it gives an intimate ceremony a clear focal point and a lasting keepsake.

Displaying your cord with pride

After the ceremony, many couples display their cord at home – framed with a photo from the day, in a shadow box or simply hung somewhere you will see it often. For ideas, see what to do with your handfasting cord after the wedding.

Love is love

A handfasting is, at its simplest, a celebration of two people who have chosen each other. Whatever your identity, your relationship deserves a ceremony that feels authentic and joyful. Explore our handmade handfasting cords to find colours that tell your story – and tie the knot exactly your way.